I WANT TO STAY

 I WANT TO STAY, BUT WILL I?  I WANTED TO LEAVE, BUT DIDN'T!

I WANT TO BE WITH YOU. WOW!!! I CAN HONESTLY SAY THAT AND IT IS THE GOD'S HONEST TRUTH!  IS THAT A BAD OR GOOD THING THAT I AM SO AMAZED BY THAT STATEMENT?

I AM SO AFRAID NOW.  IF YOU LEFT ME I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO.  NO, I'M LYING!!! I WOULD PICK UP THE PIECES AND MOVE FORWARD, BUT DAMN WOULD IT BE HARD!!!!

I BARELY HAD ENOUGH OF WHAT IT TOOK TO KEEP THIS THING A FLOAT IN THE PAST.  THERE IS NO WAY I HAVE ENOUGH OF WHAT IT TAKES FOR THE BOTH OF US RIGHT NOW!  DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES? DO YOU EVEN WANT THE SAME THINGS THAT I DO?

I AM TELLING YOU THAT I WANT TO BE WITH YOU, BAGGAGE AND ALL!  ONLY PREPARED PACKAGES THOUGH, NO F#CKING SURPRISES!!!  I WANT YOU BUT I'M NOT STUPID.  I KNOW WE HAVE ISSUES AND I AM WILLING TO ADDRESS THEM AND FACE THEM HEAD ON, BUT THERE IS NO WAY I CAN ADDRESS ISSUES SURROUNDING US WITHOUT YOU.

I NEED YOU TO LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.   I CAN'T SAY THAT IT'LL CHANGE HOW I FEEL CAUSE IF I CAN SAY I STILL WANT YOU NOW AFTER EVERYTHING I PROBABLY ALWAYS WILL NO MATTER WHAT.  AT FIRST I STRUGGLED WITH NOT WANTING YOU BUT NOT WANTING TO SEE YOU HAPPY WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

I CAN ADMIT THAT!  I WOULDN'T CARE IF NO ONE ELSE IN THE WORLD WANTED YOU AND EVERYBODY HATED YOU FOR THEIR OWN PERSONAL REASONS I WOULD STILL WANT YOU JUST AS MUCH AS I DO RIGHT NOW!

I JUST SAID THAT I WANTED YOU BUT STILL WONDERING IF I SHOULD LEAVE!!! THAT MAKES NO SENSE!  IS IT TIME FOR MY BREAK.  DO I NEED TO LEAVE ONLY TO COME BACK TO CLAIM YOU LATER WITH A BETTER APPROACH AND ATTITUDE?

  I DON'T KNOW.  I DON'T KNOW AND I AM OK WITH THAT.

I KNOW I WANT YOU AND THAT IS ENOUGH FOR ME!! FOR NOW!!!