THE LOVE I SEE

Everything I think I see, I really don't see.  This is not you lashing out and

talking down to me.  This is not you telling me how I should feel. This is certainly not you blowing me off like that!

Show me the real you.  Please do! Show me the man I fell in love with.  Show me the man that has kept me

head over hills in love all this time

Show me how much you love me in more than one way instead of showing me how you can love more than one woman in many ways.  Show me how you'll never leave my side instead of jumping up to leave each time your phone rings. Find new things to do with me instead of things to do with someone new!Fight for a change for something you really want as apposed to running out to the easiest and closest crutch you can get to.  You say that I over analyze everything yet you take the first sign of trouble as a sign to just back up and away when maybe you're getting all of these curve balls because you keep trying to dodge them instead of sticking out your well armored glove and catching them.

This love between us is not the Love I see for me.  It is not the LOVE I see for us.  There is no more us. There is us & EVERYBODY ELSE!!! When we argue I can't tell if you're yelling at me or someone else.

When I'm sad you get tired of having to guess if you have the least bit to do with it.  It is almost as if you are beyond the point of relief when you discover that it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Damn! Are you that used to me being a bitch!  Have I been angry & sad that often to where you can only expect the worst?

I really hate that!  You shouldn't have to put up with that.  Its either, or! EITHER, OR. Do you not get that? Of course you don't because I haven't given you the opportunity to. What am I thinking?

When you call me or come to my house all upset and stumping around I can always almost guarantee that it isn't about me.  If it was you wouldn't be in my face looking for comfort.  I can even almost guarantee that if I gave it a few weeks you'll be just as mad again.  This isn't the LOVE I see for me. This isn't the LOVE I see for you. This isn't the LOVE I see for us!

                       WHERE IS MY LOVE? WHERE IS OUR LOVE? Does it even exist?

I could move across country and the same questions would follow. SECURITY, TRUST, HONEST AND LOYALTY.   Three of which I can admit I have had my issues with in the past. TRUST and SECURITY seem to be on the front line right about now. This isn't the LOVE I want.  I don't feel loved. I feel needed!!!!

                                   IT IS NOT THE SAME!!!! NO WAY, NO HOW!

LORD! I beg of you.  Cover me with your blood.  Make me more like you. Give me grace and make me worthy of a love that only you can provide.  Prepare me for such a love so that I am not wasteful when it arrives, that is, if it hasn't already.

     The LOVE I see is a love that can be compared to yours in so many ways. Though this LOVE will never be duplicated I'll take the copycat.  THAT IS THE LOVE I SEE FOR ME!