Decisions Decisions!!!!

    What do you do when your heart & mind finally agree with each other?
What do you do when this finally happens after 27 years?
   Why has it been so easy for me to get used to chaos as apposed to normality.  I am so sure of myself right now & it is scaring the f#ck out
   of me! I'm not going to lie, I'm not completely sure about everything but hell, who is?  All I know is I feel secure about the things that I am sure about.
   

   Why is being aware for a change so frightening for me?


I constantly ask God to provide me with oportunities making change
  possible, yet whenever the oppotunity arises I constantly find a way to fumble! I can no longer be afraid of change! Change is me friend!!!!!!
   Yeap! I'll just keeping telling myself that. Yes, I sure will.
                   Change is good! Change is inevitable.

Ok. If I know all of this then what the hell? Why hasn't the process of change
  begun?  A person cannot change something they refuse to face.
My romantic relationship, for instance, is at a stand still and has been for as
  long as i can remember.  There were once legitament reasons as to why
there was no growth.  As of right now, I really can't see any real reason as to
   why we aren't moving in an actual direction. Moving has never been the
problem. It is the STAYING that seems to be so crucial.

I can no longer allow important parts of my life to be "sometimey".
   In other words, sometimes its on track but at the drop of a dime
its not. I am aware that the only guarantees I have in life are
   LIFE AND DEATH.  Even with this being said I can't help but to long for
a PROMISE, at least a fraction of one.

I'm not saying I want to be married right now.  All I'm saying is I need for that
  option to be available to me. 

I honestly feel like a Dr. with no job title.  I've been to school for millions
  of years for the trainning. I've even put in the the man hours needed for
experience, but yet I'm being paid 15,000 yearly for a job that should be paying me at least 90,000. I feel cheated! I am lost without my title.

                        I AM LOST WITHOUT MY TITLE!
  
There is no way an highly educated Dr. would put up with someone calling
him or her a nurse whenever they see fit.

In other words, I refuse to wear a ring & be given the title as WIFE in private
but then asked to take my ring off in public and become A PLATONIC FRIEND.

              WOW!! I believe I am starting to see where some of this
       reserved anger has been stored all this time! Guess what! I hate it!
I do not want this anger, confusion or whatever you wanna call it.

I want a commitment! I am ready for a commitment! I need a commitment!

There are many things in my life that could use some hard work and attention,
but for some reason my romantic relationship has my focus.

              DECISIONS DECISIONS!!!!